


One Hot Topic

by YumeArashi



Series: The Hot Topic Arc [1]
Category: Matantei Loki Ragnarok | Mythical Detective Loki Ragnarok
Genre: Dress Up, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-19
Updated: 2013-01-19
Packaged: 2017-11-26 01:35:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/645077
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumeArashi/pseuds/YumeArashi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by a thread on the Loki LJ community, which made reference to Heimdall in Goth gear. My muses thought this was a great idea. I assume no personal responsibility for the results ^.~</p>
            </blockquote>





	One Hot Topic

**Author's Note:**

> All characters are in adult form. Why? Because I said so.

Heimdall sighed.  Really, how could anyone be a god and still have the attention span of a mentally-challenged gnat?  Freyr had dragged him out shopping, yet again, and no sooner had they gotten to the mall then he’d seen something that had caught his interest and was off.  And of course, they’d gotten separated in the crowds.  Heimdall wondered how long it would take Freyr to notice that his housemate was missing.

He considered having the Vanir paged, but soon decided that even if Freyr heard his name, he’d be distracted by something else before he could get halfway to the service desk.  A better option would probably be to go wait in the food court; Freyr would show up there sooner or later. 

He was walking down the mall when a T-shirt in the window of a store caught his eye.  ‘I’d challenge you to a battle of wits, but you appear to be unarmed.’  He snickered and wondered if he should get the shirt and wear it home.  Freyr probably wouldn’t get it, though.  Behind the display, he could see they had racks of other t-shirts, along with other, more...exotic items. 

He looked at the store’s sign.  “’Hot Topic’?”  The music inside was a little louder than he would have liked, and some of the wares were a little alarming...not to mention some of the salespeople.  But despite their appearance, the people inside seemed friendly enough, and maybe he could find an obnoxious T-shirt to send to Loki...or to wear next time he saw him.

He’d been browsing through the T-shirts for a few minutes when he was approached by a cheerful salesgirl with electric blue hair and sparkly makeup.  “Hi, anything I can help you with?”

“Oh, no thank you.  I was just thinking about getting one of these for a friend of mine.”

“A T-shirt?  They make great gifts!  My friend, he thinks he’s really good looking, so I got him the one that says ‘the face only a mother could love’ - he was so mad!”  She grinned, and Heimdall smirked.

“Actually, that one might be just what I’m looking for.  Could you show it to me?”

“Glad to!”  She led him toward the back of the store.  Heimdall tried not to look at certain of the items he was passing.  “By the way, nice hair.  My sister did that same shade of purple last week.  And I love that eye color!  I’ve seen some of the wilder colored contacts out there but nothing that shade.  Were they custom made?”

The girl seemed to expect an answer, since she’d actually paused in her rambling, so Heimdall figured he’d go with the safest answer.  “Yes.”

If she was bothered by the curtness of his response, she didn’t show it.  “Ah, I thought so!  Too bad, but what can you do?  Here’s the shirt, by the way.”  The black T-shirt did indeed have the aforementioned saying printed on it, along with an arrow pointing upwards.  Heimdall smirked - it would be perfect for Loki.

“You know, you’d look really good in black yourself, I’m surprised you’re not wearing any.  Especially with that hair and those eyes.”

“Hm?”  Heimdall was a little startled by this tangent, but the salesgirl - ‘Anita’, according to her nametag - didn’t seem to notice.  She just kept talking, all the while eyeing the violet-haired god thoughtfully.  “We got some stuff in not too long ago that you’d look fantastic in...do you not have any Goth gear, or are you just not wearing it right now?”

Heimdall blinked.  “I don’t have any.”  Which was probably true, since he had no idea what she was talking about.

“Oh, you’ve got to be kidding me!  It would look so good on you!  You wouldn’t be able to walk down the street without making women weak in the knees!”

The guardian god blushed furiously.  “Ah, I’m not really...I’m sure you’re exaggerating...”

Anita made a dismissive sound and waved her hand.  “Tell you what.  You have some free time right now?”

“Well, yes, I suppose, but...”  Heimdall berated himself for his honesty as the girl cheerfully overrode the last half of his sentence.

“Then I’ll make a deal with you.  I’ll give you an outfit to try on, and when I’m done with you, if you’re not unanimously declared to be the hottest thing on two legs by every female in this store, I’ll give you the whole damn outfit for free.  And the T-shirt.”

Heimdall’s visible eyebrow raised.  “Everything?”

Anita grinned and nodded.  “Accessories and all.”

“All right then.”  Even if he never wore the outfit, it would be worth a few minutes of his time to get the T-shirt for free.  Wherever Freyr was, he’d be fine for a little while longer, and if he couldn’t find Heimdall, it would serve him right for running off.

Anita let out a cheer.  “Woohoo!  Babe, we are gonna make you the finest creature ever to walk this earth!”

*****

Five minutes later, Heimdall had been handed a pile of clothing which had been picked out with great enthusiasm by Anita and a couple of her female co-workers, and shown to a dressing room.  Anita assured him she’d wait outside the door in case he needed anything.

It didn’t take long.

“Hey, these pants lace all the way up the sides.”

“Yep.  What about it?”

“They’ll show my...well, my...”

“Your underwear?”  A bright laugh.  “Honey, with pants like those, you don’t wear underwear.”

Horrified silence.

“Still, since we can’t have you trying them on without anything, let me get you something so that your cute little tighty-whities won’t show.”

Heimdall wondered how she’d known, and whether it was possible for a god to die of embarrassment.  A few moments later, a scrap of black silk came flying over the door of the dressing room.

“I know that’s probably not your style, but one of the idiot part-timers snagged it on a board pulling it from shipment last week, and we had to write it off as damaged goods.  Guaranteed never before worn, and it won’t show much under the pants.  And yes, it’s supposed to be uncomfortable.”

Indeterminate grumbling noises for a moment, then... “The pants are too tight.”

“Are they actually painful, or just tight?”

“Just tight.  Really tight.”

“In that case, they’re a perfect fit.  They’re designed that way.  The leather will mold to your body, it’s a flexible material.”

The watcher god wondered if all humans were this masochistic.  In the end, he had to leave the fly of the pants unlaced in order to put on the black combat boots.

Which were about the only part of the outfit that he actually liked. 

“Anita?”

“Yeah, hot stuff?”

“I’m guessing you’re about to tell me that the shirt is supposed to be see-through.”

“You’re guessing right.  It’s called mesh, babycakes.”

“Anita, for one thing, stop with the nicknames.  For another, the shirt doesn’t even cover my stomach.  And yes, I know that it’s probably supposed to be that way.”

A cheerful laugh.  “Midriffs are sexy.  Especially yours, I’m betting.”

Another brief pause.

“Don’t even tell me that you want me to put on a collar...”

The low voice was actually bordering on anger this time, and Anita hastened to reassure her reluctant guest.  “It’s not a collar, it’s a choker.  Neckwear short enough to be snug around the throat.  It makes you look fierce and dangerous.”  Which, she guessed, he probably didn’t need help with right now.

There was no answer, but he didn’t come storming out of the dressing room, either, so after an appropriate pause she added, “you don’t want to have it too tight, just enough to be barely touching the skin.”

Another pause, then, “Ok, I’m done.”

Another cheerful whoop from the blue-haired girl.  “All right, let’s have a look!”

The door slowly opened, and she grinned to see her experiment emerging.  However, the grin quickly faded when she noticed... “You didn’t put the gloves on?”

The purple-haired god looked down at the fingerless black gloves he held in one hand.  “I can’t.”

Anita frowned.  “If you need help, I can get ‘em on you easy enough.”

“No, it’s not that...I just...I prefer the gloves I have on now.”

She looked dubiously at the yellow leather covering the god’s hands.  “I’m sure they’re nice and all, but they really don’t go with the outfit, hon.”

An uncomfortable shrug.  “I know...”

When the girl spoke, her voice was surprisingly gentle.  “You got something wrong with your hands, babe?  Some scarring or something?”

“Well, no, not really.”  Claws didn’t exactly count as something wrong, after all...

“All right then, let’s have a look.  Can’t be anything bad enough to bother me.”

Heimdall had only a split second to wonder what her reaction would be, then...

“Oh my god...”  She stared at his hand for a moment...and then grinned.  “That is so awesome!  How on earth did you get your nails to do that?!  Wow, I am soooooo jealous, that is just so cool!  Dude, people pay big bucks to get the metal claws, you got yours to do that naturally!”  She blinked up at the astounded deity.  “They are natural, right?  Not artificial?”  Heimdall could only nod.  “Man, do I ever wish I could get mine to do that!  Mine always break before I can get ‘em to a decent length.”

Patting his hand, she smiled sunnily at him.  “The gloves will look great on you.  Really, the nails would be better painted metallic silver or shimmery black, but unless you wanna be here for another half-hour, I wouldn’t be able to do that tonight.  Still...c’mon - the gloves...”

Heimdall reluctantly tugged off his other glove and pulled on the black leather ones, his claws neatly sliding through the cut-away fingertips.  Anita looked him up and down appreciatively, then wolf-whistled.  “Goddamn, babe, you’re sex on two legs.  Just one more thing and there won’t be a woman alive who’ll be safe.”  She led the blushing god over to a cloth chair and motioned for him to sit.

He eyed the items she had laid out on a nearby display.  “I’m really hoping that’s not makeup.”

“Aw, just a little black eyeliner and a touch of shadow to bring out that sexy glare.  And really, a bit of lip gloss would make you look extra-kissable...”

Heimdall scowled.  “I’m not wearing makeup.  And I don’t want to be kissed.”

Anita grinned at the sulking god.  “Babe, it’s not about people actually kissing you, it’s about people wanting to.  Don’t tell me you don’t like the idea of having every woman in a ten-mile radius thinking you’re the hottest male to ever walk this earth.”

“You’re still exaggerating.”

“Sweetie, you only think so.  Once I get done, you take a stroll down the mall, see what kinda reactions you get.”

“Fine...I’m gonna regret this, I know, but fine.  Just get it over with.”

“Great!  Just close your pretty little eyes now, this’ll only take a sec.”  A few light touches on his eyelid, then a pause.

“What are you doing?”

“Eh, just trying to decide - with all that hair in the way, is it even worth bothering with the other eye?”  Heimdall’s visible eye flew open in alarm as he felt a touch stir the hair on the other side of his face.  Without even thinking about it, he reached out swiftly, and the girl gave a little cry of surprise as her wrist was caught in a sudden, tight grip.

“Leave the other one.”

“Ok, you call the shots.  I’ll stick with the one I can see.  Can do?”  She pulled her hand away  from his face and he let go.  Making a face, she flexed her wrist a few times.  “You know, you coulda told me that was a touchy subject before I went trespassing on dangerous ground.  You wanna keep that eye hidden, that’s your business and it’s fine by me, but you don’t have to go scaring the living hell outta me like that.”

The violet-haired god looked a little chagrined.  “It didn’t occur to me to say anything.  But I apologize for frightening you.”

“Apology accepted, babe.  S’all good.  If you’re ok with it, I’ll just finish on up with the other eye...”

“That’s fine...”

A few minutes later, the girl pronounced her work to be finished.  Leaning back and looking at the not-quite-sulking god.  For a moment, she just stared, then shook her head as if to snap herself out of it.

“Damn, babe, I don’t know my own skill.  You are so hot you’re gonna make straight men think twice.”

“Great.  Just what I’ve always wanted.”

“You’re funny, babe.  And scowling just makes you hotter.  Now c’mon up front and let the other girls see ya.”

*****

Heimdall had to admit, the reaction was pretty impressive.  When Anita had called out to draw attention to her work, all motion in the store had come screeching to a halt.  Guests as well as staff had stopped and stared for about half a minute, then the commotion had begun.

“Oh my god, Anita, where did you find this guy?!”

“Goddamn, I think my brain just melted.”

“Oh, he is sooooooooooo hot!”

As the girls crowded around him, starry-eyed one and all, Heimdall wryly reflected that he now knew what it was like to be Loki.  Fortunately, before things could get out of hand, Anita cupped a hand to her mouth and called for quiet.  Once she had it, she addressed the crowd.

“Hey there, folks, this young man and I have a bet goin’ on.  I told him that once I dressed him up all fine like you see, if there was a single female in the store that didn’t agree with me that he’s the hottest thing on two legs, then he gets that charming little outfit absolutely free of charge.  Do we have any dissent?  Does he get the free outfit?” 

A moment a silent but vigorous headshaking ensued, then someone in the back called out, “No, but I’ll buy it for him!”  The offer was quickly extended by several other parties.  Anita laughed, and Heimdall shook his head.

“Well, what about the outfit then, babe?  If you’re not taking any of these folks up on their generous offers, you wanna buy it yourself?  ‘Cause I gotta tell ya, it’d be a damn shame to deprive the world of the sight of you lookin’ like that.  I’ll give you a twenty percent discount for bein’ such a hottie, and I’ll throw in the T-shirt for free.  Whaddaya say?”

Heimdall looked at her, looked in the nearby mirror, and then looked at his wallet, where the money that Freyr had entrusted him with for the evening’s shopping trip was safely stowed.

Freyr would have a heart attack.

He grinned.

“I’ll take the lot.”

 


End file.
